This Down syndrome blog post is about how Down syndrome isn’t what’s really hard-parenting is- Down syndrome parent.

It was the Tuesday morning rush. Construction ended up making me 15 minutes late to the first of my son Anderson’s two therapy appointments. I’m normally happy at his sessions. Therapy makes me hopeful. I hope that the appointments and the subsequent homework are setting him up for successes both big and small.

But not today.

We’ve been working on crawling for a while. Anderson prefers to pivot and roll to wherever he needs to go. As I watched his therapist, Charlene, push on Anderson’s feet, tears started to pour down my cheeks.

Poor Charlene probably did not expect to become my therapist today. I told her I wasn’t sure where the waterworks were coming from. She told me that some special needs parents describe these moments as part of the “cycle of grief.”

But as I sat there working my feelings out (poor Charlene) I realized it wasn’t grief, it was guilt. Mom guilt.

I said to her, “Violet hates staying in the house, so we are normally out most mornings. So, I don’t get therapy in until the afternoon and sometimes not until nighttime.”

Basically, if I put more therapy exercises in at home, maybe Anderson would be crawling already.

Just like yesterday when I told my husband that I feel guilty that I’m not a crafty mom and that our daughter probably gets too much screen time and not enough paper and glue time.

Sometimes Down syndrome is challenging. I have to be more intentional with my parenting of Anderson than I was with Violet when she was a baby. But really, it’s parenting that’s the real challenge.

It’s finding a balance between your kids wants and needs. It’s giving more of yourself when you’re already spread thin. It’s answering, “What time is it?” ten separate times on the same short car ride because your child is learning how to tell time.

And then wondering at the end of the day- did you give enough? Did you teach them enough? Did you love them enough? And yes, did you fit in enough therapy exercises, too?

I’m not trying to diminish the fact that being a special needs parent is hard. I’m only a year in and I know the challenges will only increase. But really, parenting is hard, whether it’s special or not.